we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i think my cat just said my name.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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