he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
