He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
