Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
