the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
