Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
