I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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