I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
