I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
