she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
