So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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