I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
