What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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