What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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