When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
