I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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