We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
