you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
