trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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