Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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