Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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