i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
