i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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