in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
