i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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