jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
