my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
