It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
