Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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