from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
