We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
