I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize
