Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
