Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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