Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
