is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
