Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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