Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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