I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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