We named our party play list daddy issues
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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