one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
