Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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