I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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