I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
