My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
