Just cropdusted the office
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
