I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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