im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
