I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
