I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
